Can you force someone to love you?





About 13 years ago, I was privileged to counsel a very beautiful woman of 60 years old; it is rare to have such a beauty at that advanced age. She was a divorcee, doing well for herself. She was deeply in love with a man who was a widower and just 2 years older than her. She was very much in love with him but the feeling wasn’t mutual.

She was ready to do anything for him in the name of love, she went above and beyond to please him. The man led her on, there wasn’t really any solid definition about their relationship but he truly acted the part of being her partner, to the extent of moving to her neighborhood; he actually moved to the house adjacent to hers.


My client put in a lot of efforts to make the relationship work, she would cook for him, cater for him, assist him financially as needed; the man, on his part, would show great love and care to her one week while he would stay completely to himself the following week, with his actions towards her barely like that of acquaintance; it was very confusing for her.

My 60 years old client would cry and cry during counseling, wondering what else to do to win his heart completely. She had been selfless with him in their undefined relationship and she was willing to love him unconditionally. She dreamt of their wedding day, her wedding outfit, the venue etc.

Then came an unbelievable shock, She came home one day and met another woman in his house, the man’s new girlfriend. She was dumbfounded, she couldn’t ask any question. The new woman started to frequent the man’s house, she would see her coming and going, staying and sleeping over at this man’s house (remember they were neighbors); my client was devastated but guess what, the man didn’t attempt to offer her any explanation, I don’t think he believed he owed her any explanation, I believed he felt she should just move on, which was hard for my client because she really put everything into the relationship; her heart was in too deep.

My client felt betrayed and used. Her cries were endless, she couldn’t be consoled. I felt helpless; I was only able to hold back my tears while she was crying profusely because of my professional ethics. She asked me where she had gone wrong, she wanted to know, so she could avoid such in the future. I didn’t see her fault, well maybe she could have asked for a definite definition of their relationship.

It was at that point, though early in my professional career, that I learned that “love doesn’t know an age, it cuts across all ages; when you fall in love, you become a giggling teenager no matter how old you are. It sparks a youthful life in you. Love is definitely beautiful but if the person you love does not love you in return, it is far from beautiful.

Please stop forcing it, especially with Valentine’s Day approaching. Love is not enforced. It comes naturally. If you enforce love, you will spend the better part of your life wishing to be loved, stop chasing shadows, stop making excuses for that man, or that woman when it’s so obvious that you’ve given your heart to someone who doesn’t appreciate it; leave him/her alone, it may seem difficult right now but it would be the best decision you will ever make.

Being single will save you thousand times more stress than being with the wrong person. The wrong person will not bring out the bright light of life within you, rather he/she will dim the light.

My client later met another man, who cared deeply for and adored her; he was very loving to her. I was a guest at their beautiful wedding.

Remember, there’s somebody who would do anything to make you happy. That’s the person who’s worth your love, worth your heart and your selflessness and please, make sure your relationship is verbally defined.

Abiara M.A, is a marriage and family Counsellor.

Contact info: WhatsApp 09021117273

FB/IG/Twitter: LoveClinicNG

www.topeabiara.org Info@topeabiara.org

Can you force someone to love you? Can you force someone to love you? Reviewed by Extraordinary on 10:35 AM Rating: 5

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